


I Fear These Memories

by orphan_account



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Not a lot of shipping, Slight ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-03 23:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wash thought he was done and over the memories, the nightmares, the horrible feelings. Turns out he was wrong. But thank god for Caboose and Tucker, especially Tucker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Fear These Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to do angst....I tried....Also the ending might now work. I hope it does. I hope it hurts you all. (not really but angst should hurt)

_“ALLISON!”_

Wash woke up screaming, clawing at the back of his neck to try and rip Epsilon out of his head. He couldn’t find it, couldn’t get the voices out of his head.

“Stop! Just make it stop!” He yelled, scratching his neck hard enough to draw blood. The pain was easy to ignore as the screaming in his head got louder. He was so lost in the memories that he didn’t notice the door opening and lights coming on until hands grabbed his arms and pulled them away from his neck. Another pair grabbed his head, cupping the back of his neck to press against the wounds.

“Wash! Wash, it’s me! Calm down! We’ve got you!” Tucker shouted over Wash’s yelling. 

“Let me go! Please! Just leave me alone! I’ll do anything!” Wash screamed, panicking and struggling against his friends. Caboose had a strong but gentle grip on the man’s arms. After so many nights and too many nightmares, both of them knew what to do. It had become an instinct for them to react to Wash’s episodes.

“It’s okay, Wash. It’s okay. It’s not real. You’re in blue base with Caboose and me. You’re safe,” Tucker said calmly, running a hand through Wash’s hair as the ex-freelancer cried. Caboose slowly let go of his arms and started to rub his back. Tucker kept whispering encouraging words to him,repeating that he was safe countless times. After a while Wash’s breathing returned to normal, though his tears didn’t stop. His face went emotionless and hard. He gently removed Caboose’s arms from his back and then Tucker’s from his head, grimacing at the blood on Tucker’s hands.

“Thanks guys. I’m fine now,” He said weakly. Tucker opened his mouth to argue.

“Do you want me to go get Freckles?” Caboose offered, “He can keep you safe!” Wash smiled. Tucker’s eyes narrowed at the smile, knowing Wash was faking it to spare Caboose’s feelings like always.

“No thanks, Caboose. I’m alright. I just need to go back to bed. You two should as well. Tomorrow is a leg day,” Wash croaked, clearing his throat after his words. Caboose stood from the bed slowly.

“Okay, Washington. Get some sleep. I like you,” Caboose told him, his voice surprisingly soft for the blue soldier.

“I like you too, buddy. Good night,” Washington said back, watching as Caboose left his room slowly, looking back over his shoulder a few times before the door closed behind him.

“Get out. Now,” Wash growled at Tucker, wiping his face off with his hand.

“No. You need to talk about it,” Tucker stated firmly.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Wash snapped, shoving Tucker weakly, “I don’t ever want to talk about it! I just want it to stop! And for you to go the fuck away,” Tucker sighed.

“Wash, please. This is the fourth time this week. Caboose is freaking out. You barely sleep through the night on a good day. Talk to me. I’m your friend,” Tucker begged. Wash’s eyes turned dark.

“No you’re not,” He hissed, “We aren’t friends. You’re just stuck with me because Caboose wants me around. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be dead in the snow.” Tucker opened his mouth before snapping it closed and getting up with a huff. He stormed to the door, clicking the light off as it opened. He went to leave, but the sound of Wash turning in his bed stopped him. Spinning on his heel, Tucker walked back to Wash’s bed in the dark and climbed into it, shoving Wash sideways before pulling the man on top of himself.

“What the fuck are you-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Tucker growled, “You’re just as much of an idiot Church was. You think you have to be this high and mighty leader. You think you can’t ask for help because that’s weakness. You think you’re so strong. But guess what Wash?! You’re human! And sometimes humans need help! So fucking let me help you! We’re friends. But you have a stick stuck so far up your ass you can’t walk straight half the time! So shut the fuck up and let me comfort you before I punch your lights out.” The silence that followed Tucker’s words was painful for the aqua soldier. Just when Tucker opened his mouth to apologize he heard it. The smallest sob he had ever heard.

“Wash,” He whispered, pulling the other man closer as Wash melted down into tears again.

“You’re right. I hate that you’re right,” He sobbed, “I don’t know what to do! I’m supposed to be leading you guys, but I can’t even handle my own thoughts.”

“Shhhh, hey now, I wasn’t trying to make you cry. I’m was only saying that it’s okay to break down. It’s okay to not always be okay. Caboose and I are here for you during this. You’re not alone. We can fight this together,” Tucker said hopefully. Wash let out a hollow laugh.

“You can’t fight this. No one can. You have no idea what happened to me. No one does. No one has ever cared to ask-”

“I’m asking now. I care,” Tucker cut in, “I’m asking you to tell me something, anything. Share your burden like Caboose and I share ours. I won’t judge you. I promise.”

“You can’t make that promise,” Wash muttered.

“Dude, I had a baby. I can’t judge the shit other people have gone through,” Tucker replied with a small grin. Wash gave a real laugh this time, allowing Tucker’s smile to grow.

“Guess you have a point there. It’s-it’s not a pretty story,” Wash whispered.

“I don’t care. I want to listen. Please. You don’t have to tell me everything tonight, but you should start somewhere,” Tucker prompted. There was a beat of silence followed by a sigh.

“Okay, but don’t interrupt me got it?” Wash asked.

“Got it. I’ll be completely quiet,” Tucker agreed, wrapping his arms around Wash and rearranging the man to rest his head against his chest.

“Wha-”

“Just getting comfortable. Start whenever you’re ready,” Tucker explained before Wash could finish his question, shutting up immediately afterwards.

“Alright. Well…Project Freelancer was only one of many project near the end of the war. Everyone was racing to be the winning ticket and the project had been given one AI to use. Except that wasn’t enough for them to run their experiments…….”

~~~~

Halfway through Wash’s story he fell asleep. His head was still against Tucker’s chest and he had thrown an arm over the younger soldier. Tucker was fuming on the inside. He couldn’t understand how people could do such things to one another, to Washington. He also couldn’t believe Wash had gone along with it, allowing them to torture him like they did. Tucker tried to give up on his anger, he knew being angry wouldn’t help Wash tomorrow or the next day or ever. So he did. He placed a kiss on Wash’s forehead and let his anger go as he closes his eyes. He had Wash now and he wasn’t going to let anyone hurt him. Tomorrow Wash would tell him more about Epsilon and the horrible memories the AI put in his head and Tucker would be there to help him cry through it. They were going to fix him together, one day at a time. With that last thought in his head, Tucker fell asleep as well, dreaming of a brighter tomorrow.

~~~~~~

_“Freckles. Shake.”_

_“WASH!! NO!”_


End file.
